Today, I want to write about something that comes up often in my work with transgender clients: the lasting impact of gender-related trauma, and how EMDR can be a powerful tool for healing.

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Many trans people carry painful experiences with transphobia that continue to affect them long after the events themselves have passed. These might include memories of rejection from family, being bullied or harassed, negative experiences with healthcare providers, or the ongoing weight of living in a world that hasn't always been safe or affirming for transgender people. Over time, these experiences can leave deep marks, both emotionally and within your nervous system.

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If you've ever noticed that certain situations still trigger intense reactions, that old memories intrude when you don't want them to, or that you carry shame-inducing beliefs about yourself like "I'm broken" or "I don't belong," I want you to know that you're not alone. These are common signs that your brain is still holding onto unprocessed traumatic material.

 

The good news is that healing is possible. I offer EMDR specifically tailored for transgender clients. EMDR is one of the trauma-therapy tools I use to help clients move through these experiences so they no longer have the same grip on daily life.

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What Is Gender Trauma?

Before we dive into how EMDR can help, let's take a moment to name some of the experiences that can contribute to gender-related trauma. Recognizing what you've been through is an important first step toward growth and healing.

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Rejection and Loss of Relationships

Many trans people have experienced rejection from family members, friends, or communities that were once central to their lives. This can include being disowned, losing custody of children, or watching relationships become strained or conditional. The grief that comes with these losses is real and significant.

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Discrimination and Violence

Experiences of being bullied, harassed, threatened, or assaulted because of your gender identity can leave lasting effects on your sense of safety in the world. Even if these events happened years ago, your nervous system may understandably still be on high alert.

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Medical Trauma

Many trans people have had negative experiences with healthcare providers, such as being denied care, treated disrespectfully, asked invasive questions, or forced to "prove" their identity to access treatment. These experiences can make it difficult to seek care in the future and can carry their own emotional weight.

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Being Outed

Having your identity disclosed without your consent can be deeply violating. Whether it happened once or repeatedly, being outed can leave you feeling unsafe and hypervigilant around others.

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Grief About Lost Time

Many trans clients I work with carry grief about the years they spent living as someone they weren't, about going through the wrong puberty, or about missing experiences they can never get back. This grief is often overlooked, but it's very real and deserves space.

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Internalized Transphobia

Living in a world that sends negative messages about trans people can lead to absorbing those messages yourself. You might notice harsh self-criticism, shame, or beliefs that you're not "trans enough" or that something is fundamentally wrong with you. These beliefs often form in response to external experiences with transphobia, even if they now feel like your own voice.

 

How EMDR Can Help

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a trauma therapy that helps your brain process distressing memories so they no longer carry the same emotional charge. Unlike traditional talk therapy, EMDR doesn't require you to describe traumatic events in detail. Instead, it uses bilateral stimulation, like eye movements or tapping, to help your brain do what it naturally wants to do: heal.

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Here's how EMDR can specifically support trans clients:

1. Processing Painful Memories. EMDR helps move traumatic memories from feeling like they're happening right now to feeling like they're truly in the past. Those moments of rejection from a parent or romantic partner, that experience of being harassed, that interaction with an unsupportive doctor- these can lose their intensity and stop intruding on your present life. EMDR can help process some of the grief, anger, and hurt that comes with painful experiences, making space for you to build the life and connections you deserve.

2. Loosening Negative Beliefs. Many of us carry core beliefs that formed during painful experiences. Beliefs like "I'm unlovable," "I'm not safe," or "I don't belong" can feel deeply true even if  we logically know that they aren't. EMDR helps to weaken these beliefs and strengthen more adaptive ones, like "I am worthy of love," "I'm good enough as I am," or "I can be safe in my own skin."

3. Reducing Triggers. If certain situations like being misgendered, seeing old photos, or attending medical appointments bring up intense emotional reactions, EMDR can help reduce the charge around these triggers so they don't knock you off balance the way they used to.

4. Addressing Internalized Transphobia. Those harsh internal voices didn't come from nowhere- they were absorbed from the world around you. EMDR can help you trace these beliefs back to where they came from and reprocess them, creating room for self-compassion and self-acceptance.

 

What EMDR Won't Do

I want to be transparent about the limits of EMDR, because I believe you deserve honesty about what to expect. Grief about lost time or changed relationships may not go away completely. Some grief is a natural response to real loss, and it may stay with you in some form.

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What EMDR can do is help you carry these feelings without being overwhelmed by them. You might still feel grief or pain when thinking about the past at times, but the hope is that trauma therapy can help you to not feel as overwhelmed by these events in the past. The goal isn't to erase your experiences but to help you move through the world with more ease, presence, and capacity to live the life you want.

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What to Expect from EMDR

If you decide to try EMDR, here's what the process generally looks like:

1. Preparation. Before we start processing traumatic memories, we'll spend time building resources you can use to stay grounded and calm yourself when difficult feelings come up. This might include creating a mental "safe place," identifying supportive figures (real or imagined), or practicing ways to contain distressing material between sessions.

2. Identifying Targets. Together, we'll identify the memories, beliefs, and triggers that are causing the most distress. You're always in control of what we work on and when.

3. Processing. During processing, you'll focus on a specific memory while engaging in bilateral stimulation. You don't have to describe everything out loud; you can simply notice what comes up. Most clients find that the memory becomes less vivid and less emotionally charged over time.

4. Integration. After processing, we'll work on strengthening positive beliefs about yourself and making sure the work feels complete. Healing often continues between sessions as your brain keeps processing.

 

You Deserve Healing

If you've been carrying painful experiences for a long time, it might feel hard to imagine things being different. But healing is possible, not by erasing what happened, but by helping your brain and body let go of what's no longer serving you.

 

You don't have to keep carrying the full weight of everything you've been through. With time, patience, and the right support, you can move toward a life where the past no longer has the same hold on you.​

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​If you're interested in learning more about how I work with trans clients using EMDR, you can read more here.

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​Wishing you confidence and healing and peace,

Dr. Lauren

Lauren Smithee, Ph.D., LMFT

Deeply Rooted Therapy, PLLC