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Healing from Trauma:

Reclaiming Your Emotions and Expressing Your Needs

Dr. Lauren Smithee

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Today, I want to write a bit about trauma, relationships, and the importance of expressing your emotional needs. One of the many profound effects of trauma is the complicated relationship it can create with your own emotions.

 

Many people who’ve experienced trauma, particularly in relationships, have a deep sense of what it’s like to have their feelings criticized, invalidated, dismissed, ignored, or met with withdrawal when their needs were inconvenient for others. Over time, these experiences can lead to a habit of suppressing emotions and silencing your own needs to protect yourself from further pain.

 

For some, even having emotions, especially anger, can feel forbidden or unsafe. Holding feelings inside might feel protective, like a shield against rejection or shame. But building an emotional wall for self-protection is a double-edged sword. While it may seem like a way to stay safe, it can also lead to feelings of loneliness, isolation, and disconnection—not just from others but from yourself.

 

The journey to healing from these emotional scars takes time and, understandably, can feel overwhelming. It’s natural to question whether your emotions are valid, especially when attachment figures that you've relied on, looked up to, and trusted were the cause of your wounds. Even when you logically know you deserve to have your needs heard and met, breaking free from old patterns and learning to trust yourself on a deeper emotional level can feel daunting.

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Every person’s healing process is unique, but here are a few steps you can take to begin:

 

1. Tune in to Your Feelings and Needs
If you’re someone who struggles with people-pleasing, taking on too much responsibility, or bottling up your emotions, it’s important to remember this: You are allowed to have feelings and to express them. You deserve patience and compassion, even if past experiences have told you otherwise. True love and respect are never conditional.

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Take time to engage in daily practices that help you to better attune to your body and emotions. This is critical to work toward expressing these needs in future relationships and developing healthier patterns of communication. Activities such as mindful meditation, journaling, and yoga can help you to become more physically and emotionally present, which can help with healing.

 

2. Practice Self-Compassion
Offering yourself the emotional care you might have missed out on can be transformative. It’s not always easy, but even small acts of self-compassion can help you nurture yourself in ways that begin to heal old wounds.

 

3. Set Emotional Boundaries
Establishing boundaries can feel intimidating, especially when it causes discomfort for others. Remind yourself that building confidence in setting boundaries takes time and that someone's reaction to your boundaries doesn’t diminish the validity of your feelings.

 

Boundaries are a vital part of honoring yourself, experiencing a deeper sense of self-love and respect, and creating healthy relationships.

 

4. Voice Your Feelings Unapologetically
Your emotions are valid and healthy—no matter what anyone else has told you in the past. Learning to express them without apology is a powerful step toward reclaiming your voice and your sense of self.

 

In Conclusion

Healing isn’t a linear process, and it’s not always easy or quick. But with time, patience, and compassion for yourself, you can move closer to feeling connected, authentic, and whole.

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​Wishing you confidence and healing,

Dr. Lauren

Lauren Smithee, Ph.D., LMFT

Deeply Rooted Therapy, PLLC

Are you ready to take the next step?

Deeply Rooted Therapy, PLLC

Lauren Smithee, Ph.D., LMFT

2943 Parkway Blvd, #344

Salt Lake City, UT 84119

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