Embracing the Roller Coaster of Transition:
Navigating Ups and Downs with Confidence
Dr. Lauren Smithee

Transitioning is an exciting and deeply personal journey that brings with it a mix of emotions. For many transgender people, it’s a time filled with hope, anticipation, and newfound excitement as you begin to align more closely with your true self. You may feel confident in your choices and proud of the steps you’re taking toward your authentic identity. But it’s also normal to feel moments of uncertainty, awkwardness, and even insecurity, particularly early on in your journey.
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This post is for those of you who might be feeling the highs and lows during your transition process, regardless of what transition personally means for you. Please know that both the excitement and the vulnerability are completely valid, and that you’re not alone.
The Highs: Excitement, Confidence, and Liberation
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For many, exploring your gender and beginning your transition process can feel like a breath of fresh air or a deep sense of relief. You might feel a sense of liberation as you start to wear clothes that reflect your gender identity. For example, you might feel joy when you get your first piece of clothing or try on makeup that feels “right.”
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You might experience less excitement and more of a feeling of calm when you see your reflection in the mirror. Your confidence can grow over time as you begin to share your authentic self with others. This sense of alignment with who you truly are is incredibly empowering.
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Your experiences with gender euphoria might be more social and relational. For example, you might experience a deep sense of pride when you see the world starting to recognize and affirm your gender or when those around you begin to use your pronouns more automatically.
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These moments can be euphoric and full of excitement. You may feel like you're finally starting to see yourself the way you’ve always wanted.
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The Lows: Insecurity, Awkwardness, and Vulnerability
If you don’t relate to this header and you’ve only found joy and confidence during your transition journey, fantastic! However, I often meet with people who experience moments of feeling uncomfortable during their transition.
Even with all the excitement, it's normal to also feel insecure, especially when you're early on in your gender journey. Your body may not look or feel the way you want it to yet. You might not feel fully confident in your gender expression or struggle with the feeling of being “in between” during your transition. These feelings of awkwardness or discomfort are completely natural.
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For example, you might notice that your body feels different if you begin hormone replacement therapy (HRT) or if your appearance shifts in other ways with changes in your gender expression.
Perhaps you’re feeling unsure of how to navigate social situations if you change your name or pronouns or you’re feeling anxious about being misgendered. It can be incredibly stressful and painful when the world sees or treats you differently than you see yourself, or when you’re struggling with some of the changes you're experiencing.
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You might look in the mirror and not yet recognize the person you see, or you might feel awkward or insecure about your reflection, how others treat you, or your voice not matching how you feel internally. These are all common feelings, and they don’t negate the progress you’re making or the person you are becoming. These moments don’t define your transition- they are simply part of it.
Embracing Vulnerability and Building Confidence
So, how can you move through these feelings and continue taking steps forward, even when you're feeling vulnerable, insecure, or uncertain? One of the most important things to remember is that feeling vulnerable is often part of the process of change and growth. Transitioning is not an instant transformation; it’s a series of small steps that involve growth, self-discovery, self-compassion, and patience.
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That being said, here are a few tips to help embrace vulnerability and continue building confidence:
Acknowledge and Accept Your Emotions
It’s okay and completely normal to feel awkward or insecure during your gender journey. Self-exploration is complex, and there is no “right” way to transition. It’s normal to feel a lot of different emotions- some exciting, some more painful, and sometimes all at once.
Acknowledging these emotions without judgment allows you to validate your experience, to learn from them, and to better know yourself. These feelings are just as valid as the excitement and pride, and experiencing painful emotions doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. Allow yourself to feel them and acknowledge them without thinking they’re a sign that you’re not "doing it right."
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Celebrate the Wins
Each step you take, no matter how small it may seem, is a victory. Whether it’s expressing your pronouns to someone, finding clothes that feel right, trying on a binder for the first time, or simply making it through a tough day, take a moment to celebrate your progress. All of these steps are steps forward on your journey.
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Be Kind to Yourself
It’s easy to be self-critical during moments of insecurity, but remember: you’re doing something incredibly courageous. Be gentle with yourself and offer yourself the same compassion you would extend to a beloved friend who’s on a similar journey.
Self-compassion is a key resource in helping you to keep building your resilience and working your way through challenges as you transition.
I know being kind with yourself is often so much easier said than done. There are so many things that might be complicating your journey with self-compassion- gender dysphoria, fear of being rejected by loves ones, anxiety about laws and politics to name just a few. This is completely valid and all the more of a reason to work on building yourself up.
If you need some extra guidance, feel free to contact me or check out my article on building self-compassion as a trans person.
Build and Lean Into Your Support Network
Surround yourself with people who affirm and support you. Whether it’s friends, family, or an online community, connecting with others who understand what you’re going through can help you feel less isolated and more empowered.
If you need extra support, make it a priority to gradually work on meeting kind, like minded people who build you up. It’s a lot of work to build a loving community and it takes time. Try not to be discouraged- you deserve the love and support and you’re worth the investment!
Explore and Experiment
Remind yourself that you don't have to have it all figured out right away. There is so much to learn about your gender and to explore. Experiment with your gender expression in whatever way feels right to you. Try different clothing styles, cuts, and colors, hairstyles, or makeup. You can experiment socially or privately with pronouns and voice practices.
As you explore, keep an open mind and tune in with how the exploration makes you feel. Experimenting with changes in your gender expression can help you understand what feels the most aligned with your true self.
Remember, there’s no rush to look a certain way or an outcome you need to achieve to be valid as trans. Transition is a completely personal journey. What feels right to you can evolve over time as you continue to explore your gender. Be patient with yourself and go at your own pace.
Practice Patience
That last sentence is so important that I’m going to emphasize it again here. Try to be patient with yourself while you’re on your transition journey, both with your body and your emotional state. Change and progress takes time.
I know it’s incredibly difficult to be patient with yourself when you might be facing immense stress or pain- gender dysphoria, anxiety about the future, or worries about being accepted to name a potential few. You may not feel the way you want to feel right now, but that doesn’t mean that you won’t feel this way in the future.
Your mind and possibly even your body are evolving, and with time, you can feel more confident as emotional and/or physical changes progress.
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Moving Forward: Embrace Every Part of Your Gender Journey
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Remember, it’s completely normal to have mixed emotions and to feel unsure at times. But in those moments, remember how far you’ve come and how brave you are for embracing your journey. There is no "right" or "wrong" way to transition, and everyone’s experience is unique.
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You are worthy of love, respect, and confidence with each step you take forward during your transition. Acknowledge with kindness the progress you’re making, and remind yourself that every day brings you closer to a more authentic version of yourself. Embrace the vulnerability, and let it become part of the beautiful tapestry of your transition. You’re not just building a new body or identity; you’re discovering a deeper sense of self-worth.
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You’ve got this, one step at a time.
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With kindness and compassion,
Dr. Lauren
Lauren Smithee, Ph.D., LMFT
Deeply Rooted Therapy, PLLC